I'm in Helsinki.
I got here at around 4pm yesterday, after a 6 hour layover in Stockholm (where I ate a delicious roast beef sandwich with potato salad on it). My apartment is pretty sweet, and I hope to post pictures once I get a camera cord (I left the 2 that I own at home...I know).
I hadn't slept in about 35-36 hours, so I crashed hardcore at about 11pm last night. And was wide awake at 5am. WHY. So now it is 8am and the sun IS STILL NOT UP. Like, not even a hint of light. Oh wait...maybe a little. The sky looks slightly less black to the east. But seriously it is so dark and I haven't turned on any lights in the apartment because my roommates are still asleep. But I think I need some cereal.
Today is a great day.
Yeah I know I'm terrible at this but it's been a particularly rough semester, ok? Jeez.
I'm going to gradually post my work over the next month. It might be the only thing this blog is good for. I'm sorry.
Teasers:
I'm also going to TRY starting a new blog for my semester in Helsinki. Hopefully I'll actually write in it. I'll probably just post a lot of pictures.
Pain.
I don't know what to do anymore.
I can't help but think that this is at least partially my fault, even though I know that's not the case.
I didn't know it was possible to be so selfish.
I've never felt so betrayed. We gave you everything. Don't you know how lucky you are? I thought we were better than this.
When do I give up? When do I try to save myself instead of you? I cannot stand to see you get hurt. I don't know what I would do. I love you too much to love you.
How can I love you? I don't even know you anymore.
I'm so ashamed of you and I'm so ashamed of me for feeling that way. Everyday I seriously consider pretending that you don't exist. I hate that you've made me so cruel. I know that I don't know you, but now I don't even know me. I didn't know I could feel like this.
How could I forget you? Every time I look in the mirror I see your face.
I could, though. I could just disown you entirely. But you are so much of me that there would be a hole. A wound. A scar. Not even a scar. I don't think this will heal anytime soon. Not if you continue as you are. Even if you died it wouldn't heal. That's what hurts the most. I can see you dying. You're so, so young, but I don't see you lasting much longer. Not if you keep this up.
I've never hurt so much in my entire life, and I can't think of anything ever hurting worse.
I know you don't care about anyone else. I wish you would learn to care about yourself. It's your only hope now.
Omg update
I was tagged by Adrian, author of
Politics & SoccerPlayers start with 8 random facts about themselves.
Those who are tagged should post these rules and their 8 random facts.
Players should tag 8 other people and notify them they have been tagged.
1. I really want to be a band. I'd like to play the drums. Sadly I don't know how.
2. I love to bake. I make incredible brownies and even more incredible flan.
3. Compiling this list has been a lot harder than I thought.
4. I really love to make people laugh. Some of my friends laugh in a particularly excellent way, so I try even harder to make them laugh, just because hearing it makes me really happy.
5. If I could eat cheese and nothing else for the rest of my life I would do it.
6. If I find a guy attractive, it's probably because he has a weird or prominent nose.
7. I love shoes. It's a serious problem. If you know me, you knew that.
8. I think things are best in threes.
I don't have anyone to tag.- Just kidding:
other than that miss andrea, how was your ride?Ok 7 more friends to find on this thing.
Weather.
Having dabbled slightly in Japanese literature (
Genji, Memoirs of a Geisha, Naomi, Norweigian Wood, The Wind-Up Bird Chronicle), it seems a common thread is that you always know what season it is in the story. It's often described very poetically, and it adds a richness to the text that I really appreciate.
Global warming is really fucking that up.
It feels like we've been in a state of perpetual autumn, except the leaves are all gone so it's not even pretty anymore. I miss when the change of seasons was truly dramatic. I'm so worried that I will be disappointed in spring. I enjoy living in northern areas just because I get that season change. I don't want a two-season system, with one being really fucking hot and the other being somewhat cold. If this keeps up, seasons will really be something we only read about in old books.
Just a thought.
I'm just not very good at this.
I can only remember to update this thing when I'm not doing anything with my life. So every day this past week I've logged on in order to post something, realizing that I haven't done anything worth posting. And I can't really remember anything from the semester that would be worth telling. Eventually I'll post pictures of my work, but until then, this will be rather dull I think.
Anyway, I'll be back in St. Louis on the 12th, and back to school on the 16th. Oh I got good grades, that's exciting.
Actually, (if anyone is even reading this anymore), if you have requests or questions about what I'm doing (because the concept of architecture school seems to confound most people), please, ask away, and then I can have something to write about, and you can have something to read.
